“BIG MONEY! BIG PRIZES! I LOVE IT!” These are the immortal words of the host of the most excellent and memorable arcade twin-stick shooter Smash TV. Whether the developers behind that game knew it or not, they had made a high water mark for mixing together shooting action, blatant consumerism, and a bit of wackiness. While there have been a number of titles over the years that have tried to tap those same sensibilities, whether knowing they were in a competition or not, nothing has really been as effective at mixing those elements together into something memorable. While Nuclear Gladiators 3000 does have roguelike elements and is on a path all its own, I was at least hoping it could revive some of those classic vibes, but it can’t quite pull that off.

In terms of similarities between this and Smash TV, they’re more about the concept and general consumerism vibe than they are about core play. Smash TV was an intense arcade twin-stick shooter, where this is a far more sedated roguelike affair. Where there’s some alignment is in the generalized game show format, with you running around for your life for the amusement of the home audience, so you’ll want to be sure to make them happy by grabbing everything you can. An added layer here is the inclusion of sponsors, who’ll even send you a periodic care package ala The Hunger Games when you’re doing well, but honestly the implementation of those feels like a missed opportunity that could have been more fun if more effort had been put into making them more integral to the experience.

The theme of missed opportunities also applies where play is concerned, with the pacing feeling a little too slow to be a better time. I think the inclusion of auto-fire and a more deliberate pace could be intended to more match Vampire Survivors somehow, but this fails to be as wild and fun as that as well, so it missed the mark in both directions. You’ll slowly unlock access to different characters, each of which have some different traits and specials, as well as more variety in gear, but even unlocking a fair amount of stuff the pace never really ticks up. You’ll simply do your best until you get overwhelmed by ever-growing mobs, but the game as a whole just feels resigned to being a middling affair, not doing what it takes to crank things up to another level and stand out. This isn’t a bad shooter, and for people who normally find twin-stick shooters too intimidating its more sedate pacing may actually be a plus. For folks just looking for that next fix though, this will likely be a pass.